Simon Says

My best friend from home is taking me camping.

If you know me, you’re probably laughing out loud right now at the fact that Jordyn Rowland is willingly going to spend more than 2 hours in the woods with no cell service… I’m trying not to think about that part.

But yes, camping.

Simon and I have gotten into some very interesting situations together over the years and he’s been bugging me for months about him not being featured on the blog so I thought now would be a good time…

…in case I get eaten by a bear or something.


Let’s back it up to 2012. Simon and I were at camp with our church’s youth group. He was terribly awkward back then and he knows it. Awkward enough that I have actually heard these words come out of his mouth:

“Can I butter your elbow?” 

I’m for real. He said that but at least he didn’t actually butter the elbow.

A few days later, he asked me out. He hates when I bring that up but I crack up every time. He’s blushing right now in case you were wondering. (I’m not even with him as I write this, I just know his face will resemble an overripe tomato.)

Fast forward to 2015 and we’re quickly approaching best friend status. I was a senior in high school, he was a sophomore being home schooled. (So first question: yes, he’s younger than me, but by less than two years… I started school young.) Anyway, once I had my driver’s license, things got interesting.

We’d go to the grocery store at 1:00 in the morning because we were bored and living in a small town means that was the only place opened.

And then we got a Cookout.

Grocery trips turned into milkshakes and french fries, usually between 10:00 at night at 2:00 in the morning. We’ve had lots of deep conversations sitting in that red booth, him with a cherry something or other shake (which I still say is gross) and me with a peanut butter one. We’d talk about high school drama, work drama, friend drama… all the drama. And gossip. Simon and I can gossip for HOURS! We’re like 80 year old women getting their hair set on Monday mornings. And we tend to talk over each other but it works for us. He’s better at gossiping than I am, he always knows what’s going on. I usually just listen. (That’s the only time I’ll ever admit that he’s better at something than I am, by the way.)

The really interesting stories didn’t start until last summer (2016), though. And I’ll start it off with that one time we got married:

I was leaving for Florida to visit a friend that afternoon and Simon wanted to hang out before I left. I drove over to his house to pick him up and we went and had ice cream and did the usual gossip thing. And then I decided I wanted to go to this little Dutch market we have called “Der Dutch Market.” (Yes that is really the name) We were minding our own business. I was looking at all the gluten free pasta they had and Simon was just touching everything. Somewhere close to a freezer section, this nice older woman walks up and asks if we needed any help. I told her we were fine, just looking around a bit. And then BOOM! “Oh, are you both gluten free?” I told her that I was and he wasn’t. She looked a little surprised and informed me that it would be easier for both of us to eat gluten free so I didn’t have to cook two meals instead of just one. Simon already has that look on his face he gets right before the uncontrollable laughter starts. I told her that we weren’t siblings and didn’t live together… (first of all why was it assumed I was the one cooking???) and she just smiled at me. And then it hit me. SHE THOUGHT WE WERE A  MARRIED COUPLE! Simon and I had just, unofficially, been married by a Mennonite woman in a Dutch grocery store. Simon, at this point, was barely holding it together. I told her that we weren’t a couple, just friends and she just smirked at me. Like she knew she was right… she had our wedding all planned out, I’m sure of it. Needless to say, I dropped the pasta and we were out of there. I could barely drive I was laughing so hard… we still laugh about to this day and even celebrated our one year anniversary just a couple of weeks ago. ❤ 

So, yeah. We’re married now in case you didn’t know.

Since then we’ve gotten lost in LBL (Land Between the Lakes… which happens to be where we’re camping) more times than I can count, we’ve had photo shoots with cell phones in the middle of the road, we’ve shopped (well, I dragged him along while I shopped), we’ve spent hours in a hot tub, and we survived a rain storm in a 2-person hammock. (Photographical proof below.)

But the most common occurrence for us now is eating dinner (or breakfast or lunch…) out and being brought one check. They always hand it to Simon. They never ask if we want one check or two. They just assume. Every. Single. Time. Everybody thinks we’re on dates… which I get. That’s what it looks like, I know this. But we’re not on a date. And if you ask us if we are, we will probably talk about you being too nosy for a very long time. Sometimes it’s fun though. Because if he’s in a good mood and/or just got paid, he does buy my food. I think I’ll keep him around.

Even when he asks if he can come over after he’s already sitting in my driveway. Or when he walks in and tells me he’s hungry and stares at me until I get him something to eat and then I end up doing his dishes…

…ok maybe I don’t want to keep him after all.

Nah, he can stay.

But for real, Simon is just the kind of person who you want to be around. He’s funny, he listens, he obviously cares… he can’t cook but I’ll forgive him. We can’t all be perfect. Through Beyonce jam sessions to me trying to force him to like Grey’s Anatomy (he still doesn’t) to being two hours early to watch the sunrise over the lake, we’ve been through it all. And without a fight too… I hope that’s a good thing.

We survived 2012 peak Simon awkwardness, which means we can survive anything.

Even a camping trip.

Which I will tell you all about when I rejoin civilization and phone service and wifi.

But for now, I’m just going to try not to get eaten by a bear.




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